"What's married life like?"
I've been married for a little more than a month now and every week at least one person has asked me, "How's married life?" or "What's married life like?"
I think they say this to make conversation but they end the question with a very pregnant pause which leads me to believe that they genuinely wanted a response. If I'm in a good mood, I'll say: "It's chill." or "I don't know it's the same as before."
(One of my shining traits is downplaying everything in my life and shrouding things in doubt.)
If I'm feeling like maybe making someone laugh, I'll say: "Oh it's terrible. I don't recommend this at all. Don't do it," and show my teeth in a way that signals to the interrogator that I'm joking and am only half-psychopath.
But every time I'm asked this, I think, Bitch, how do you think it's going? I spend all of my time with my best friend and last night we laughed until we cried because one of us mispronounced a word. We have never screamed at each other, we only scream in laughter.
The other day my sweet husband made dinner and then made me a vodka martini because he knows I'm trying to eat fewer carbs and he knows I hate myself and had a hard day at work. And he knows most of my strife is brought on by my keen ability on believing my worst thoughts so he waits until my mind is quiet before delivering the truth of the matter. He wrapped the truth it in delicate perspective and served in a quiet voice in the dark before we slept.
Then the next morning, I made him breakfast because it was a Saturday and I delivered it to him and he even ate it and kissed me even though none of us brushed our teeth yet because we're disgusting.
I don't have the right answer, I don't think for that line of questioning.
How's married life?
I feel more connected to my best friend than I ever had. I can rely on him. Which is a
~B i G D E A L~ because I am a Cancer and an adult orphan and most every lesson I've learned in life is that I go about things alone and on my own.
So, how is married life?
I think, do I tell them what we did the other day? Is the asker looking for an anecdotal reply? The other day we went out to have drinks and watch the sunset over the ocean, we ordered martinis that were VERY STRONG and ended up rearranging the chairs so we sat side-by-side, playing Family Feud on my phone.
What's married life like?
Is an acceptable answer: I watched 18 hours of recipe YouTube videos for vegan, nut-free, soy-free cheese sauce in an effort to try and make nachos that won't rip my husband's body apart at the seams. And then I spent 2 hours following one recipe only to dump the yellow-definitely-not-cheese-sauce mess in the kitchen sink.
Or what about: Yesterday I came home and my clothes were washed and the water gallons were filled.
Or: More than once we've made anal sex jokes while holding hands at the grocery store and lovingly called the other person a Motherfucker.
Or: When he drives, I clutch his right hand in both of my hands.
How's married life?
Is this a good reply: I find myself often sneaking glances at his wedding band and seeing it makes my heart balloon with pride, with quiet and determined love.
Maybe this: More than once we've watched Guam legislature livestreams on my phone while we ate and talked cash shit and traded conspiracy theories about public officials.
Or this: I have literally inhaled his smells (yes smells with an S) and not become physically ill, nor am I repulsed by them.
Or how about: He dropped some raspberry jam on the bedspread.
I guess married life--so far, so good.