Head first

I'll be that bitch and please let me be that bitch for this post.

I bought crystals and they changed my damn life. Not in a big sweeping, Hollywood movie way. The change was internal, almost imperceptible. But I can tell you that my thoughts and actions B.C. (=Before Crystals/about three months ago) was consumed by negativity. I felt stagnant and restless.

I'd get bouts of inspiration that'd wash out into a forgotten thought. (Where do our forgotten thoughts collect?) I spent so much time consuming other people's lives on YouTube and then numbing my lifelessness. 

My job was a main source of vitriol for me and I'd dip into that toxic wasteland when I needed to feel something, needed to blame something for the stagnation filling me. Maybe I felt drunk on criticizing this and that. 

I wanted to do this and I wanted to do that but something (see: me) stopped me. 

I don't exactly know when it shifted. But I got the crystals then I stumbled upon the beautiful Starchild Akashic Deck and I had to have it. I began reading for myself. I told myself I wanted to write more and do more yoga. 

I don't know what it is but I connected with those things. I used the two hours before getting ready for work to read a tarot card a day, do some yoga and write at least 500 words a day and I felt good

It was action. It was the inkling of action that finally caught on to some fuel and was gaining conscious traction. I just did it. I had reservations about posting my life online but fuck it, right. We're here to serve our robot overlords (another blog for another time) and they need all the binary information about HoW tO b3 hUman they can get.

Outside of my room, nothing changed. I still work at the same job. I drive the same car. I live in the same place. But in this space I've carved out a space to read tarot daily. A place to spread my mat. A space to create scenarios that only exist in my mind and create a podcast to air my conscious thoughts.

I just dove. Head first. I bought the equipment, I wrote down what I wanted and yes I charged my crystals in the full moonlight. 

I taste that vitriol sometimes, now and again I gripe about the daily shit, but mostly I feel good about pursuing these things outside of that-- this website, short stories, essays, my podcast, crystals, tarot, blah, blah, blah content and I'm grateful for it all.

I find everyone else on the internet so inspiring and maybe they're all selling me FaceTuned #spon lies, but I choose not think of it that way. I think those people putting themselves out there are so brave. There's definitely a trade off to putting yourself in the public sphere and sometimes I grapple with wanting to keep my life private but I thought I'd give it a go. 


Here's to diving in head first and fooling around seriously and playfully with the internet. I want this to prosper. I want some of this to make you laugh (I love making people laugh). I want this to make you think. I want this to make me laugh and make me think and make me money because it's been fun so far and that's dope, right, to get paid to do what you love??? (Cue article on why millenials grew up needing too much)

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And thanks for reading. You're the real champ here.